hey

well today was another one of those days that makes me question my way of life. notihng bad happened. in fact my life is going exeedingly well. but, i dont think im living the way i want to live. its nothing i dont think i can change though. i want to live in a place where there isnt any ignorance. when if something bad happens we can see both sides of it and come to a resolution instead of assuming their bad were good. maybe im setting too high of a goal for myself but i want to live my life like siddhartha lived his. he was peaceful and knowledgable and just...warm. he was truly happy. not so say im not happy but theres more out there. i want to be one with my enviroment. and whats worse is that i have no one to talk to about this stuff. i mean, i know you guys will listen and stuff...but i just think that our ideas of happiness are different. im happy. i love my life. i love my family and i love emily and i love all the things im blessed with physically and materially. but is that real happiness? i wish there was a buddhist monk who i could talk to around here but theres just not. i dont live in that world and i think im going to have to find my own real happiness. because i have no desire to give up everything i have, i wouldnt be happy without it. i dunno...im different than alot of americans, i know that. maybe one day ill get to go to somewhere in asia where more people will understand. oh well...maybe hopefully ill find the answer. one of the problems is though is that i dont even know if i know the question...:-/