i havent updated in a while...
this entry contains alot of bitching...im just forewarning you

im in one of those depressed moods again where i question my own existance. and everytime i do i get the same result. im not happy with myself. what i want to do above all else is help people, make a difference in their life and have them know that i care about them. but have i? do i help any of you guys? not really. everytime i "help" it just makes more problems....have i affected any of your lives? if i died would any of you care? what would you say? i doubt ud say that i was a caring loving nurturing person like i want to be. all you would say was that i was funny...but i want to help and i dont think i am. after highschool i want you guys to think of me as a person who if u were ever sad or down, you could come to me and talk and i could help you almost/every time. but have i? no. maybe its cuz i care for everyone of you guys and want to help you and i feel like im not...i just want to help. thats all...